Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Inside Flap: Cold War Warriors and Where They are Now

The Inside Flap asks the questions that really (don’t) matter to help/hinder your understanding of history/politics by looking at the lighter side of world affairs.

All of the men below would have been in the running to be the Most Interesting Man in the World during their time, whereas today’s Most Interesting Man in the World sadly is some old, wrinkly, corporate shill.

George F Kennan (Architect of US containment policy) – still considering his next move in that interesting version of chess he has set up. Hopefully those aren’t bishops.

Stalin (Ruled USSR 1922-1953) – Fist fighting Hitler in dictator heaven, not unlike Tanto and the Lone Ranger.

Mao (Revolutionary/Chairman of Chinese Communist Party) – Frozen in carbonite, ready to be delivered to Jabba the Hutt, not unlike Hans Solo.

Eisenhower (President/badass) – Currently Ike just likes to relax … apparently

Joe McCarthy (Fear-mongering Senator, WI)– now has his own radio show. Isn’t America great?

John F Kennedy (Attractive family man) – Still in US senate after a brain tumor last year… or at least that’s what Edward Kennedy wants you to think.

Khrushchev (Russian douche for Cuban Missile Crisis) – duh, Nike endorsement, with their new line of business shoes (look closely, if you must). For business men who simply must make a huge scene at international sales pitches.

Ho Chi Mihn (Revolutionary, Vietnam) – Last unlockable character in Mortal Kombat: Armageddon, requiring that you defeat all other communist characters before you can use him. Pictured here in the 2nd row, 1st on the left. He is essentially impossible to beat, even with Sub-Zero or napalm.

Gerald Ford (US President) – well, yeah. We all know what happened. Tom Brokaw: tell us how it is!

Nixon (US President) – Did you not watch the clip for Ford? At 3:21 you see what’s up with good ole Nixy.

Henry Kissinger – Still alive and kicking with his awesome accent. I got bored with that clip :43 in.

Carter (US President) – Surely a 108 year old Georgian peanut farmer can solve the Middle East Crisis (AKA Political Science’s 9 sided rubrics cube) by undermining State Dept. positions on the matter.

Gorbachev – became relevant again once it was discovered that stem cells can turn liver spots into liver transplant organs.

Ronald Reagan (US President) – currently works as a tour guide for ‘White Heaven’

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